Snoop D-O Double G

Snoop's new reality series is HYSTERICAL. I've always loved Snoop for his music and even more for all of the behind-the-scenes, down-to-earth community work he does, so I was doubled over in excitement when I found out about his new show, "Fatherhood" -- a glimpse into Snoop's day-to-day life!

'A' and I were practically in tears laughing so hard during episodes 1 and 2. You see a whole new side of this mega-successful recording artist, producer and actor. The crazy Snoop you see in all the sexy music videos is definitely not the one you see at home with his family which he aptly describes as "ain't the Huxtables."

Line it up on your TiVo-- you WILL laugh.

The poor thing!

Check this video out... but skip ahead to about 25 seconds. As graceful as we all try to be, I SO wouldn't put it past myself to do EXACTLY the same thing.

Besides being Prince Spaghetti Day…

I LOVE Wednesdays because it is also Tina’s “Slink and Slither” Day. It’s my day to give some lovin’ to ME. Yes, every Wednesday without fail, I spend 2 luscious hours working out via exotic and pole dancing. Yum. It’s the soft music, the loud music, the slow beats and the fast beats. The music just moves me. And with the lights so low I feel like I’m in my own world prancing around in my kick-ass stiletto boots!

Aaaahhhh… Afterwards, I always feel like I’ve had a full body massage. I am so relaxed and ready to take on the world!

But really, where else can you unleash your inner goddess without any inhibitions and in the safety and comfort of a studio chock full of stripper poles and other amazing women doing the same thing? Well, once you start pole dancing, it can be kind of addictive and you start to wish there were poles everywhere that you could just take a whirl around. Here's a woman for example, who was thinking exactly what I was thinking when I was down at Disney World riding the monorail:

And then there's always the makeshift poles you see outside...

Another surefire one is sure to be found at the children's playground :)

Ahem. Anyway, for the past several weeks, I’ve been dancing to a lot of industrial rock. Today, I wanted to get back to my mainstay fave of dirty, nasty, raunchy, booty-thumpin’ hip-hop. (naughty smile) Everyone’s erotic creature is different. It just so happens that mine leans pretty heavily towards gangster. So, after fishing around in my iPod I found an oldie but goodie in Lil’ Kim’s “Kitty Box”.

WOW.

I left class on a high and haven’t come down since. Time certainly flies when you’re having fun, and when you’re pole dancing, it’s always a fun time when you’re flying.

Happy Wednesday to all! Now, off to make some pasta dinner!

(photos from lupoledance.com)

Call me SMITSen!

Last night I jumped mid-season into the drama, Cane. After 2 back-to-back episodes, I'm HOOKED. Jimmy Smits rocks my world and the rest of the cast is golden. This series has everything - love, lust, money, family legacy, deception. It's the Latino Godfather!

Thank goodness for television viewing online. I can at least catch up on all the episodes I missed. If you haven't seen this show, definitely check it out. And as for adding it to your TiVo season pass list? Don't bother. The "season" ends next week due to the Writers' Strike. (!$?&#!)

We really are headed for re-runs galore...

Thinny Thin Thin

That’s what my blood has become. Having grown up in Chicago and spent the rest of my years prior to 2004 in New York and Boston, the cold winter experience was always a part of me. Visions and experiences from the blizzard of ’79 in Chicago and blizzard of ’96 in New York City are indelibly printed in my memory. Yes- the long, freezing winters of day-in and day-out shoveling which sometimes went well into the month of April, were exactly the reason why we moved cross-country.

So here I am now, living in San Diego. And after only 3 ½ years, It's safe to say I’ve become a total cold weather WUSS. On Friday night the outside temperature was very chilly-- around 55 degrees. For our family dinner outing, I donned a scarf, wool sweater, fleece-lined tall boots and mittens! As I left the house I caught a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror and chuckled. Boy, has my blood thinned. Back east, when the temperature ROSE to 50 degrees, I would break out my short sleeves, roll down my car windows and celebrate what I felt was BALMY weather. I wasn’t the only one either. Our neighbors would routinely break out their grilling tools and host barbeques!

*Sigh.*

It’s all relative, I guess. As I type, I have family members in the Midwest currently experiencing single digit temperatures—something like 3 degrees. Psssh. I wouldn’t even be able to get the mail without crying. I certainly don’t miss those cold, snowy winters. I don’t even know how I managed all those years.

Someday, perhaps I’ll venture back for a visit between November and April. No problem. When full-bodied electric suits are fashionable, count me in!

I got it from my mama

Did you catch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show last night? Will.i.am opened the runway with my fave workout tune!

Are we headed for re-runs galore?

So, the Writer's Guild of America has launched it's long-awaited strike. Who, wha? Yeah. Most people aren't going to care about the strike, nor will they notice it anytime soon..

BUT, I WILL AND I DO!!!

Fox just announced that they have axed this season's airing of 24 due to the strike. Rather than dealing with the possibility of a disruption mid-season, they decided to not air it at all.

All I have to say is these people better reach an agreement ASAP or there will be some REAL drama over here!

Jolly Holiday Shopping

Videonow, DS, Wii, Leapster… The name of the wish list game this year at our house is electronics. Handhelds and game stations.. Heck- even I kind of want a Wii. Coming in at a close second are those masterfully-marketed Webkinz animals. Who would have thought my 2 1/2 year old would be eating all her vegetables at dinner just so she could get time on the computer to “shop” for more furniture for her pink pony’s virtual room? And my son… banking all kinds of credits for winning countless games of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” against the computer? Amazing. All Webkinz are are glorified Beanie Babies and they are taking over my household!

And then there’s Hanna Montana. Whoooooo-weeee does she command obsessive market share in this household. Now, I will give the pop star credit… She’s no cheesy Hillary Duff. Her tunes are catchy and she’s adorable, to boot. She’s got staying power. My point? If you know of any kids ages 6-14, chances are they are in love with Miley Cyrus. Two-thirds of America’s tweens are fans of Hanna Montana so you can’t go wrong giving gifts centered around her to this age group.

I know, I know. It’s only November 7th. How can I even be thinking of holiday gifts already??? Thankfully, my extended family is extremely proactive in this department and requires an explicit wish list from all individuals by November 1st. While some might feel this takes away any elements of fun and surprise, I am a BIG believer in this time-saving tool. Plus, I’d much rather see my nieces and brothers and sisters-in-law receive something they will squeal over in excitement versus sending them a “surprise” gift they have zero use for. Where’s the fun in that?

And this goes for us on the receiving end, too. I can’t even begin to state how many gift cards from Ann Taylor I’ve received in my lifetime. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Ann Taylor clothing… on OTHERS. But for me? It’s just silly wrong. And with hundreds and hundreds of dollars in credit there, it may as well be money burned.

So, here’s my take: Do not leave your gift to fate. Send out a list of appropriate choices to your family. And underline appropriate! Eg. Shaq-sized mukluks are NOT stocking stuffers.

Good luck and enjoy tackling your shopping lists!

New York Style... All the Way

There are two kinds of pizza lovers: those who prefer thick crust and those who prefer thin crust. Here at the House of Wilson, it’s the latter all the way.

Thin crust pizza can be found everywhere in New York. Eh, unfortunately for us, not so much here in southern Cali. 'A' and I are forever on the hunt for the best local thin crust pizza and I’m about to reveal our biggest find (pun intended). Right in the heart of Encinitas’ Moonlight Beach town is a place called, “Manhattan Giant Pizza.” Oh my goodness is their pizza TASTY! It is so yummy, I actually give half credit to them for my taking up surfing two years ago. Knowing I could swing by for a slice (or two, or three..) after a stab at the ocean was all the push I needed to dive head first into the waves. Okay, so they also get some credit for my poochy size 6 belly. (Ha! As KLS would say… That is a LIE. There ain’t nothing no size 6 about me, honey, but my ring finger!)

No seriously. If you can appreciate great tasting pizza, you must try MGP. The “Giant” comes from the fact that they actually make monstrous-sized pies (30 inches!) with ginormous slices. Now that’s MY kind of eats. Go see for yourself. Abandon the dark side and meet me there.

Oh, and don’t bother asking the friendly owner if he’ll sell the joint. I already checked and they will be “keeping it in the family.”

Ever had one of these?

Within the first 5 minutes of waking up to my wailing 2-year old and tripping over my son's dinosaur toy, I received a text message from the nanny canceling. My husband was well, M.I.A. and I have to be at an appointment, like, 15 minutes ago.

The rest of the day has pretty much followed suit.

(long, deep breath)

Wow. Is it a full moon or something? Or maybe I just had a little too much candy last night. No- can't be that. Otherwise how would I explain surviving all the candy I ate the night before?

Days like today make me thankful for my Personal Fav (#4): Ooh La Lift by Benefit Cosmetics. Shit's the bomb. It's like a magic wand. Dab some under your eyes and those nasty black circles and puffiness disappear. Lightens and brightens your eyes, and takes any visible signs of stress away.

Now, if I could just channel some of that magic towards the rest of my afternoon...

Bibbidi bobbidi boo!

Personal FAVS (#7)

Killer abs.

We all want them. We all (well, at least I) do a gazillion crunches in hopes of attaining that dangling six-pack carrot.

Having worked out for most of my life, I’ve tried a boatload of exercises and gadgets geared towards obtaining this crazy dream-- especially post-partum. From the ab roller and the body blade, to Hip Hop Abs and 1000 crunches a day, I've finally found my all-around answer...

Ultimately, the key to showing off great abs really boils down to your diet. So, assuming you’ve gotten that under control, here is my personal favorite, time-tested results-producing abs product: The BOSU Ball. It stands for Both Sides Up and looks like an exercise ball that has been sliced in half. There are tons of different moves you can do with this contraption on either side. It's fantastic and will not take you long before you see (and feel) results. I use mine twice a week.

And here's an added bonus.. Your kids will think it's a trampoline and burn lots of energy jumping on the thing.

Happy crunching!

P.S. Here are just a few moves we can all aspire to:

Pure Entertainment TV

Okay, so I've highlighted The Kardashians' show. I've named Gossip Girl as my hands down fave of the season. Also included in my arsenal of must-see TV has been: Beauty and the Geek, America's Next Top Model and The Bachelor.

Yes, The Bachelor. Girls, have you even SEEN this season's bachelor? While I've never been a huge fan of the show (or previous bachelors for that matter), I must say, Brad Womack is one SeXy man and for that reason alone-- I'm tuning in each week.

But I miserably failed to include the latest, greatest show that ranks right up there with Gossip Girl and that is, Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane. Wow. Formerly married to the "Godfather of Hip-Hop," Russell Simmons, Kimora Lee is at the helm of the female hip-hop brand and fashion empire, Baby Phat. I love this show. She's over the top. She's crazy. And she's funny as all hell.




Now there are plenty of bloggers out there dishing on the "poor quality and trashy content" of these shows. And there will be others out there who say I watch "stupid shows." Well, excuse my third grade verbiage, but that's retarded. TV for me is an escape. I don't turn the tube on in search of intellectual stimulation and such. The aforementioned shows serve as pure entertainment.. No more, no less.

Laughter is the best fashion, and I get plenty of it from these folks.

XOXO!

Are You Keeping Up...

With the Kardashians?

Who the hell are they? They are the children of the late Robert Kardashian, the famous LA marketing exec who vehemently defended OJ Simpson in his murder trial (and then later regretted his stand.) The show follows Kim along with her sisters Khloe and Kourtney, half sisters Kylie and Kendall, mom Kris and stepdad Bruce Jenner.

I just checked out the first episode. What a HOOT! Airs Sundays on E!.

My Skin’s Best Friend

Aaaaaaahhhhh…. There’s nothing like spoiling yourself with a phenomenal facial. I love my aesthetician. I’ve been going to her for almost 2 years now and I can honestly say… She gives the best damned facial out there!

I love going to see her because I know that every time I walk out of there, I will see immediate results. My face will look as clear as glass. My skin will feel as smooth as Lake Placid and glow radiantly like the sun.

I like to think of her method of skin care as the “Mercedes Benz” of treatments, chock full of extreme attention to detail, vast experience and the best, all-natural, all-organic products on the market. She always has my skin’s absolute best interest in mind. Not unlike a careful chemist, she goes to work mixing my custom mask and potions right beside me—throwing in a dash of this for tightening and a splash of that for healing or whatever. And it’s different every time. Sometimes she’ll do a gentle chemical peel, other times she’ll do a microdermabrasion. It all depends on what my skin presents and needs on the day of my appointment.

And it’s not magical, oogah-boogah stuff. She truly knows her trade and is always continuing her education to provide the best products, equipment and care for her clients. Period.

Now here’s the sick part. An aesthetician like her could easily charge upwards of $140 for a single-treatment facial in some swanky spa. EASY. But she chooses not to do that. Instead, she keeps her overhead costs low so she can provide excellent, dream facials MORE OFTEN (like we all need and deserve) to her beloved clients. Nah… For eighty super-stretched bucks you don’t get a measly 40 minutes of steam and a clay mask coupled with painful extractions. Hell no. What you get is a ridiculously luxurious amount of results-oriented pampering (try an hour and fifteen minimum!) which includes a peel or microdermabrasion plus whatever else she feels you need, IN ADDITION to your purely organic facial!!!

Hellooooo! She is my biggest skin care secret… and I’m sharing her with you now! For those of you lucky locals, you have the opportunity to experience Charlene’s ever-indulgent and organic facial. Call her today and see for yourself. 760.727.0300

DLR APH.. Huh?

Disneyland Annual Pass Holder…

That’s what I became last weekend. After having gone to Disneyworld and Disneyland so many times over the years, I finally decided the fun never wears out and you can never get tired of or outgrow these places. With Disneyland only an hour’s drive away, I now plan to go back MANY times. ‘A’ was out of town, so I played single mom and took three kids there for 13 fun-filled hours last Sunday.

What a BLAST we had! Of course, there was a lot of build-up prior to this day because, quite simply, my kids are CUCKOO over pin trading. I’d say they’re just a lil’ bit obsessed.. Okay, so I am, too.

For those of you non-fanatics, Disney Pins are a hot collectible that have been around for years. What I love about them is that aside from being super cute, they are small and do not take up a lot of space.

When you start, you typically purchase a booster set that includes a lanyard stocked with 4 or more pins. You can then begin trading with cast members (Disney Park employees) or other willing collectors. While many people will just buy and trade pins that appeal to them in the moment, others will stick to a certain theme. Having a theme is great because it can help keep you stay focused in dealing with the overwhelming selection of pins available.

My son, for example, focuses mostly on Stitch pins and Mickey Mouse pins. My daughter loves Ariel/ The Little Mermaid pins as well as other princess pins. And I love the VILLAINS (esp. Ursula the Sea Witch and Cruella) as well as any mother-related pins like Mrs. Incredible, Lady and her puppies, Perdita and her pups, Nani and Lilo, Cinderella and her Fairy Godmother etc.

Here's my personal favorite from my collection:

And then there’s the Cast Member only pins or “Hidden Mickeys” that we love to gather. These are the pins that you can’t buy. They can only be acquired by trading for them with a cast member. They have a tiny little mouse ears logo stamped on the pin (hence “hidden Mickey”) as an indicator. I swear my son can spot these from a mile away. He will always try to acquire these even if it doesn’t fit into his themes because they can be valuable when trading with others.

*Sigh* I must say, we spent just as much time trading pins as we did going on rides. We just can’t get enough of the magic right now. We’ll probably go back every other weekend not to mention our upcoming trip to Disneyworld over Thanksgiving… Crazy, I know.

What can I say? Catch the fever and trade with us!

Fifty's back!

OMG.. I am loving the new track, "Peep Show"-- Fifty is HOTTTTTTT. This track. His voice. They absolutely LIGHT my fire. Throw in a little Eminem and forget about it. Now it's my latest ring tone and pole dance song.

He is the KING of Hip Hop. (Nice try, Kanye.)

YouTube Crazy

Do I love YouTube or what? It seems in every other post, I include some zany video clip.

Really, though, what an insane success story YouTube is. It was founded in February 2005 as a medium to allow people to upload and share video clips (some serious, some just plain whacked out). And just twenty months later, Google acquired YouTube for a hefty $1.65 BILLION in stock. 20 months! Today, YouTube delivers 100 million video views daily with 65,000 new videos uploaded each day.

And I am a happy contributor. Lucky for you, today I'm sparing you the horrifying Britney Spears performance at the VMA's as well as the equally mortifying display by her number one fan, Chris Crocker. (Congrats on making Yahoo! front page..)

No, rather, in the spirit of back to school, check out this video below highlighting how an eleven year old girl gets herself to and from the classroom.

In Full Fall Force…

Well, vacations are over. Labor Day is behind us. School has started across the country. The US Open tennis tournament wrapped up on Sunday. And, the VMA’s have come and gone (Poor Britney.)

For many of us, the next three months will be our busiest of the year. If you’re in business, it’s crazy 4th quarter time with mega-preparations for 2008. If you’re a mom, it’s homework galore, child taxi-ing and holiday insanity coupled with numerous family gatherings. And if you’re both like me, well, this is what I tell myself, “Everything will be fine, just put on a little lipstick.”

Really, what more can you do?

Hmmm… yeah, I guess going to a Justin Timberlake concert could certainly lighten things up a bit. Anyone have tickets for this Sunday’s LA show???

Lookin' to go, lookin' to go...

US Open Fever

During this week's match between Andy Roddick and Roger Federer, John McEnroe and Ted Robinson surprised viewers with a special guest commentator--- tennis royalty, Angre Agassi!! The first 2 sets were fantastically close and exciting to watch, but I think I had even more fun listening to Agassi speak about the player's games. Wow. He had such insightful comments and observations. I hope to see him do more of this in the future.

Here's one of my favorite commercials:

This One Just In...

Here’s another shot from the party. It’s me and ‘J’ (a two-set) with Mystery and his wingman, Matador, from “The Pickup Artist” on VH1.




Check ‘em out.

My Night at the Playboy Mansion

Whew! What a NIGHT!! A bunch of us were shuttled over to the mansion from our hotel (Hyatt Century Plaza) at 7pm. When we arrived, we were greeted by a red carpet-- paparazzi style, photos and all. I made a beeline for the bar and started with a lovely vodka-mixed drink. Took the tour, checked out the celebrity wares up for silent auction, chatted with some bunnies, and wafted in all the dinner eats made by Hef’s personal chef.

The rest of the evening was a pleasant blur. In a word: tequila. In two words: Patron Silver. Aaaaaaaaahh, talk about Premium. As I was downing shot after shot, I kept thinking of those lewd t-shirts in Ft. Lauderdale and one in particular that read, “One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, FLOOR!”

Luckily, I never hit the floor. I even managed to make a few flies on the free-standing pole. And yes, I swam in the grotto! All in all, it was a fabulous time. I met some great people and had an absolute blast.

There was an after party back at the hotel and believe it or not, I even made it to the after-after party. I made it back to my room at 4am and even remembered to set my alarm for 7am. Oooh, waking up to that was PAINFUL. I had to make the 2 hour drive back to San Diego to take my beautiful daughter to her ballet class. Couldn’t miss that. Then after ballet it was my son’s soccer game followed by a skateboarding lesson. All of this sans Tylenol. Didn't want to overload my poor liver anymore than I already had... Goes to show what hangovers will do to your logical thought processes.

At 2pm, I nearly passed out while driving home. I don’t know how I made it. But when I did, I crashed hard and slept ‘til Sunday!!!!

Thanks for everything, Hef!

Grand Prize Winner!

I was looking for someone to actually decipher the lyrics by EAR and not by Google (lol), but major props go to JOSH in Colorado for being so resourceful and sending this in! THANK YOU!

Here y'all go...



I like to move it, move it

Ya like to ("Move it")

I like to move it, move it

I like to move it, move it

I like to move it, move it

Ya like to ("Move it")

I like to move it, move it

I like to move it, move it

I like to move it, move it

Ya like to ("Move it")

All girls all over the world,original Mad Stuntman pon ya case man!

I love how all girls a move them body,and when ya move ya body, and move it,nice and sweet and sexy, alright!

Woman ya cute, and you don't need no make up,

original cute body you a mek man mud up.

Woman ya cute, and you don't need no make up,

original cute body you a mek man mud up.

Woman! Physically fit, physically fit,

physically, physically, physically fit

Woman! Physically fit, physically fit,

physically, physically, physically fit

Woman! Ya nice, sweet, fantastic

Big ship on de ocean that a big titanic

Woman! Ya nice, sweet, energetic

Big ship on de ocean that a big titanic

Woman! Ya nice, sweet, fantastic

Big ship on de ocean that a big titanic

Woman! Ya nice, sweet, energetic

Big ship on de ocean that a big titanic

I like to move it, move it

I like to move it, move it

I like to move it, move it

Ya like to ("Move it")

I like to move it, move it

I like to move it, move it

I like to move it, move it

Ya like to ("Move it")

Now I know many of you are sitting at a desk somewhere, perhaps at work or at home... Whereas before, we could only just raise our arms and wiggle, now we can sing along! Lemme hear it!!!

*Oh, and what does he mean by nice big ship like the titanic?!?!?

Back-to-School WeekEND

It's Back-to-School week and what better way is there to celebrate, than to knock off another big list item this weekend? Yup, this soccer mom’s going to be partying it up at the Playboy Mansion. “A” went several years ago and encouraged me to check it out.

CHECK IT OUT?

I had to chuckle. He makes it sound like it’s the latest road kill on I-5. Check it out... He’s damned straight I’m going to check it out! I’ll be looking for Snoop Dogg, interrogating the playmates and swimming in the Grotto, too! So here’s the thing… What the hell do I wear?!?!?




Playboy Mansion - video powered by Metacafe

Tina's Very Own "Singing Bee"

Okay, so "A" and I went to a great party this weekend where this oldie but goodie was spun by the DJ. Here's the deal... I'll give anyone a Grand Prize if he/she can decipher what the hell this guy is saying in this longtime favorite o' mine (besides the title track!)...

Vacation All I Ever Wanted..

Last week, “A” and I took our very first trip sans kids. We met up with some friends and associates on a cruise and sailed from Ft. Lauderdale to Key West, Cozumel, Belize and back. The last time we’d been to Ft. Lauderdale was probably 8 years ago. We had a lot of fun memories there and were excited to revisit. We walked along A1A and visited the many shops and bars. Ft. Lauderdale has got to be the capital of lewd t-shirts. I kept thinking of Vanilla Ice driving his 5.0 and singing “Ice Ice Baby.” After a great seafood dinner at one of the cafes, we actually stopped back at the place where I got my FIRST navel piercing. New owners, expanded shop... but it was still pretty neat. Next morning, we ran up and down the beach to see if we could still cover the same distance we did 8 years ago – no sweat!

Our first stop on the ship was Key West. We only had a half day there, so we just walked Duval Street, shopped around and had some Key Lime pie. We spent the rest of the day partying on the boat.

In Cozumel, we took a taxi to a private 5 star resort, The Reef Club. This place was luscious. We spent the entire day enjoying unlimited food, drinks, water sports and lounging. The pool was gorgeous and the beach and waters were pristine. After several hours we went to their incredible spa and had an amazing couples massage. It was WONDERFUL. We ended the day with a little shopping before getting back to the ship.

Next stop was Belize, where we had a much more active day scheduled. We hiked through the jungle, zip-lined through the forest at 85 feet, hiked some more, and cave tubed back. Very very exhilarating and cool.

Our last day was at sea. We did the pool scene most of the day- it was very relaxing. All in all, this was a fabulous trip and itinerary. Even though we missed the kids horribly, it felt like a second honeymoon (awwwwwww..) Here's one of the gazillion cheesy photos that they snap at you all day long:

Back at the Hair Salon...

Yes. I fell out of bed and neglected my blog for a while... Just been trying to enjoy the last few weeks of summer :)

Anyway, a couple weeks ago I was back in the chair to see “M” for my trusty hair appointment. As my faithful readers and friends know, I have been emerging from these appointments with much more than just a fresh haircut. Last time, if you'll recall (Haircuts...), I left my appointment with a navel piercing.

So there I was, chatting away with "M" when out of nowhere appears this skinny, scrawny little black and white kitten. I reach out to pet him thinking he’ll bolt, but instead he comes closer and says hello. He then sprawls out on the floor amidst all the hullabaloo of the salon. People were coming in and out the front entrance. Hairdressers were stepping over and around him to get by. It was comical. He may as well have been lounging beachside while sippin' a mojito, the way he looked.

Curious, I asked "M" about the cat (Mistake #1). She proceeds to tell me the cat is a stray that has been visiting the salon for the past 2 days.

“He needs a home” she says. (Mistake #2)

Being that I am not a cat-person, one of the items on my Big List is to “have a cat that acts like a dog”. Friendly, social, no freak-outs, no hissing, no scratching, no hiding all day long. So, basically, this list item would forever remain unchecked. Ha Ha.

Long story short: I went home with the cat. Fleas, worms and all. ?#@&!

I don't know what bleeding heart sentiment I was possessed by, but it was this kitty's lucky day. He didn't know what hit him. Within 24 hours, he received a flea bath and treatment, a slew of kitty vaccines and had his testicles snipped to boot. Yeah, we don't waste anytime around here at the House of Wilson.

Oh, and his name?

Flea.

(And if you look closely enough, you'll even see the blood-suckers hopping around his face..)

American Politics.. It all boils down to boobs and ass!

In the wake of the infamous Obama Girl video, a new video is set to be released on Monday: Obama Girls vs. Giuliani Girls. A bunch of booty shakin' bumpin' n' grindin' to help us in the selection of our next president.

Here's the trailer:


Does anyone else want to move to Switzerland? Anywhere but here??

How LOW can you go?

As if last Sunday's travel experience wasn't bad enough.. Here I am on Dallas/Ft. Worth's runway twiddling my thumbs trying to get back to beautiful SD. Waaaaaah. Just as the last person boarded the plane, thunder, lightning and rain began. We now have to wait for the storm to pass and then some before we can pull out of the gate.

Ho hum. I'll take this moment to share another product fave of mine: So Low Workout Pants. I LOVE these. They feature a foldover waist which is oh-so-flattering for any tummy. You can wear them as high or as low as you like. The pants flare so they elongate your legs and hug right where they need to. Whenever I wear these to the gym, someone will often say, "Your legs are looking thinner!" Pssshh! My secret: It's the PANTS!!!

Love 'em. Girlfriends, go get yours. Wear them with confidence in your pursuit of life, liberty and semi-nakedness.

www.solowstyle.com

Just improve. That’s what growth is.

Greetings from the Sunshine State! As I type, I am sitting in my hotel room watching a rerun of Star Wars – Revenge of the Sith. After going through a bit of hell to get here, the past week has been a wonderful whirlwind—kind of like experiencing a little bit of heaven without the inconvenience of dying.

My arrival was delayed 9 1/2 hours getting me to my destination at 3:30am on Monday. This gave me only 4 hours to sleep and prepare for my first day at tennis boot camp. Needless to say, Monday was comical. Not only was I trying to adjust to the insane heat and humidity here, but the 7 hours of ensuing tennis just about flattened me.

Despite the shaky beginning, I can’t say enough great things about my IMG Academies/ Bollettieri Tennis experience. The level of intensity of the tennis instruction and drills was fantastic. I was surrounded by adults and juniors from all over the world with incredible skills and athleticism. It was extremely inspiring.

Thursday was “Game Day.” An emcee conducted the day’s drills with great music blasting over loudspeakers as he announced various games and prizes. I especially loved bouncing around to Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”. Somehow it made the burn in my legs feel a lot less painful. Everyday after lunch, I jumped in the pool for a half hour to recuperate and recharge just enough to barely make it through the afternoon sessions. I had such a fabulous time. To top it all off, I had initially set out to shed some weight at this boot camp (or “booty” camp, rather), and I DID!!!

I have been in constant battle with my last 10 post-pregnancy pounds. Exasperated, I tried a famous weight-loss program three weeks ago and failed miserably. This well-known diet program whose name begins with J and C promised I would lose at least 5 pounds after my first week. Pssssh! No problem, I thought. So I wholeheartedly followed the program, ate their crappy food and faithfully logged my meals. I went to my first weigh-in only to find I’d lost a measly 2 OUNCES!! Screw that.

In my week here, I dropped 7 pounds. No pills. No 1000-calorie cardboard crap diets. No ooga-booga magic. Just plain, old-fashioned, kick-butt, working out. Yeah, baby! Now, that’s what I’m TALKIN’ ABOUT!!!!!!!! Bam!

No booty school dropouts here!

Amazing! I was blown away...

Okay, so most of us have watched America's Got Talent at some point. And we know that the "talents" can often be painful to watch. I mean, how about the guy that breaks things with his butt? For crying out loud...

Well, this came across my screen and I nearly peed my pants. Here's a guy who looks like a complete bloke. He's a mobile phone salesman who lacks self-confidence. A total regular guy, he walks on stage and says he will be singing OPERA. All three judges brace themselves for an immediate dismissal and find themselves completely gobsmacked. It's actually a video from Britain's Got Talent.

Check him out:

Flying to England anytime soon?

Just for airline passengers (and pilots) is a ginormous silhouette of a pole dancer in a field near London’s Gatwick Airport. It covers 100,000 square feet!

Pretty cool. Check out the site. You can enjoy your own lapdance in the comfort of your own… cell phone!!!

My Latest FIND

Okay Ladies,
Have you ever been out and about and you go to find something in your purse only to find that you are digging around for the next 20 minutes through receipts, papers and other randomly floating items?

Now, some of you may be more on the organized side and have things all neat and tidy, but what if you're out having a lovely dinner and your BF starts ringing your cellphone to tell you about her latest weight-loss secret? You need to answer that phone! No time to fish around in the dark while it rings and rings and then gets sent to voicemail.

Check this out: http://www.solasfashion.com/
Every single bag in the line comes with a built-in neon light that glows around the purse whenever you open it. Auto shuts off when you close... SaaaaaWeeeeeeeeet!!

I'm loving the Serendipity Lite in White. All-leather. Beautiful east-west style a la M. Jacobs. Perfect for summer-- goes with everything.

Remember, it takes work to rock a funky bag.
And there you have it.

Ciao!

Baby Got Back

One of my longtime favorite songs is aptly called, “Big Ole Butt” by LL Cool J. I can’t help but move to this tune as Big L professes his love for big booties, most especially when he chirps, “Tina got a big ole butt.”

Despite L’s preferences, I am forever on the hunt to find the best method of a non-surgical butt lift and shrink. Recently, I stumbled upon a loyal follower of Callan Pinckney’s Callanetics workout. My friend and fellow workout buddy, “K”, explained to me in great detail how the video helps her to tone her arms and raise her rear. Of course, this is when my ears perked up and I said I must try it for myself. Lord knows I could certainly stand to raise my rear a few inches…

So, about the video… It was created in the 80’s. You can well imagine the attire and hairdos, but all of that aside, the workout has some pretty tough exercises that definitely firm and tone. It was very easy to follow. Callan Pinckney is 47 years old in the video and she definitely walks the talk. I liked it because it was a nice change of pace for me.. Low impact, minimal sweat factor. Do-it-yourself at home (I was in my jammies). I can see why she has such a loyal following even after 20+ years!

Just look at all the rave reviews on amazon!

Callan says you’ll lose 10 years in 10 hours. I’m going for my second hour tonight. Going for that perfect peach!

I can hear it now…

“Tina got a teeny tiny butt.” Oh, yeah.

Book Clubs... Fact or Fiction?

I’ve never been part of a book club. What do you do at a book club? Is it an excuse to gather socially or do you really just get together to discuss books? The reason I wonder is because I recently met a gal who was telling me all about all the fun things she did with her “book club”, none of which were centered about any books!

Are book clubs formed around a certain genre of literature or is the material free-for-all? Who decides on the book of the week?

As an avid reader, I’ve considered joining one or even starting one, but I’m picky about what I like to read. Since I don’t have a lot of extra time, I am always squeezing in whatever moments I can to tackle my way-too-long list of books that I want to finish. And then there’s the ones that I wish to re-read..

Somehow I do manage to read the equivalent of at least one book a week just by sneaking in a chapter here and there. You'd be amazed at how much reading you can accomplish by simply strategically placing books throughout your house. For me, at any given time, I have 8 to 10 books each in a designated spot. I have a book in my purse, in my car, one next to my bed, one by the couch and of course, one in each bathroom. If I’m cooking, I’ll read a chapter in the kitchen. If I’m taking an “eye-strain” break from my computer, I’ll read a chapter at my desk.

A lot of people find the books I love extremely boring and dry. In fact, this weekend, when we returned home from a party, I found the nanny perusing my kitchen book, “How to Out-Negotiate Anyone”. She looked way less than entertained. Are you kidding? I eat that stuff up! I crave mostly non-fiction. I love books about psychology, entrepreneurship, and business. Then there are the memoirs and books about serial killers. If I ever do read fiction, they are almost always thrillers. I mean, I do enjoy the Harry Potters and the Devil Wears Pradas of the world, but there are way too many books ahead of them on the list that I rarely get to these.

*Sigh* I guess if I do start a book club, it will have to be the kind with more of the social slant. That’s cool. There’s nothing like another excuse to get together and drink!

Happy reading!

Queen Bee STILL Rules Post-Prison!

FAB remix. Lil Kim kills it! (warning: explicit lyrics)

And I quote...

"The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes."
~ Benjamin Disraeli

My trip to Sears

So I went AWOL for a while... What can I say? Things have been pretty tame in my brain... Not so socially starved right about now. Perhaps because summer is near and school is almost out, everyone seems to be in a partying mood. And I love it when people are in a partying mood!

Here's my day's excitement: I got a new washer and dryer delivered to my house today. Woo hoo! Being that our old set was nearly 10 years old, I haven't really "kept up" with the latest and greatest in the world of washers and dryers. I mean how different could they be? I thought I'd just take a quick trip down to Home Depot and have a new set, just like the old one. But NOOOOOOO. I was told by a friend to go to Sears since they'd be likely to have a big sale over Memorial Day Weekend.

So off I went and oh, did they have a sale. The more you buy, the more you save plus vouchers galore. I spent 3 hours at the store learning all about the machines-- way more than I needed to know. Now they come with sensors to tell you how much or how little laundry you've put in and when exactly they are perfectly dry. They have different degrees of "quietness". They have settings for kids laundry versus regular laundry. (Still not sure what the difference is there.)

In any event, I now am the proud owner of a beautiful set of eye-level, front-loaders that are whisper quiet in a beautiful shade of "black diamond". ?#*^#!?!?

Being that 'A' is not the most technically adaptive member of our family and does all the laundry exclusively in our house, I'm not so sure he will appreciate all the added bells and whistles (however quiet they may be).

We shall see. At the very least, he will be able to put in three times as much load in one cycle as before AND the dryer cycle will always finish before the washer cycle so he doesn't have to wait. That should be worth its weight in gold, right?

Personal FAVS (#19)

Do you ever get in that mode where when you find a product or article of clothing you love that you feel the need to buy it in every color or simply just multiples of the same thing? I am a big fan of "when you find something you love, buy 2 or more of them."

Several summers ago, I discovered the coolest sunblock for kids. It’s called Ecko the Gecko and I swear by it. It has all the great features that you’d want in a sunblock (waterproof, non-greasy, high SPF).. But the coolest thing is that this sunblock is PURPLE! Not only do the kids love being “painted” purple, but I love it because I can see where I’ve applied it and I can be sure I haven’t missed any spots.

And, faster than the novelty of being purple wears off, the color fades in time for your kids to enjoy the beach, pool, sun without looking like Barney or Tinky Winky. I just loaded up on my summer supply. Yup-- 6 of 'em (2 each for 'M' and 'M' and 2 extra for their friends that inevitably wish they had purple sunblock, too!)

Moms- buy this for your kids. They’ll love it! And trust me… You’ll want to have several of these on hand.
www.jafra.com

My Favorite Jeff Foxworthy Jokes

You might be a redneck if...


...you’ve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.

...Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup.

...you think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

...you prefer car keys to Q-tips.

...you’ve ever vacationed in a rest area.

...you think “Chablis” is the name of last month’s Playboy centerfold.

...you think “Ross Perot” is how your cousin Ross got out of jail early.

Farewell for now, Kiefer.. Time to prep for summer!

Woo hoo!!! LOVED last night's show. Another great season of 24 has come to an end (boo hoo). And with every season finale comes the reminder that summer is right around the corner. (YESSS!!)

So, I’m very excited about an upcoming trip I just finalized. I will be in Tampa on business in June (I’m very excited about this, too.) But being that Tampa is just a hop and a skip away from Sarasota, I decided to add a few days at the beginning of my trip to attend the IMG Academies- more specifically, the Bollettieri Tennis Boot Camp. I’ve gone before back in the day when I was a more serious tennis player. I actually went to hone my tennis and footwork skills. This time, however, it’s about me looking to chisel my shizzle- follow me? The tennis? Yeah, tennis will be played, but I look at it more like the Bollettieri Bikini Boot Camp for me. Why? Because they basically kick your butt multiple times over so you can hang it on their clay courts to dry. With summer fast-approaching, there will soon be nowhere left to hide my flaws. I NEED this. Yup. SIX HOURS of tennis each day in the blistering hot sun with a 3-minute banana break in the middle. I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! (Think: leg-flailing Molly Shannon on SNL).

This time around should definitely be interesting. Gone are the days where I was blood-hungry for competitive matches and striving for the utmost precision on my serve. Forget about it. I can see it now: Me and my pony-tailed, pink wrist- and head-banded, matchy-matchy leopard-print spandexed out-of-shape self attempting to swing away at those little flying yellow things. Yes, times have changed. On second thought, I’m going to need a round of acupuncture just thinking about my upcoming pain.

When my friend “S” heard about this, she declared not only is she ALLERGIC to any form of exercise, but she also bitch-slapped me for actually paying for such an experience. Meanwhile, “S” doesn’t ever lift a finger except when she’s on the hunt for discount designer jeans and she looks like a seasoned track runner. What the $&#@?!? These people will never understand!

Can't Blog... 24 Season Finale Tonight!!!!

Gotta concentrate...

Top 25 Reasons Why I Love Dobermans:

25. Dobermans have velvet ears.
24. They can fit their velvety body into the teensiest spot in the bed... and make it grow... while your spot shrinks.
23. The way they curl up and gently rest their head on your knee or your foot while you do just about anything.
22. You always get the sidewalk to yourself when you're walking a doberman!
21. They pretend to "not like" the new baby, but secretly give her kisses and sleep with their nose in her shoes.
20. The way their ears lay flat when they've done something wrong.
19. The way they patiently wait for you no matter how long.
18. They must be the first one to answer the door and will not let anyone close until you've said 'hello' in a friendly manner.
17. The way they hoard our most important possessions in their "nest" (cell phone, shoes, socks, keys..)
16. They like to play "tag"...but you're always "it"
15. Dobermans display a life-long puppy-like sweetness. They're goofy & clown-like, intrigued and curious, while also being our guardians, protectors, and our best friends.
14. They will get your attention even when you try to ignore them.
13. The Doberman ‘velcro’ lean.
12. Dobermans give little love bites on the "derriere".
11. The way their whole back end wiggles when they wag their nub.
10. A Doberman means never having to go to the bathroom alone.
9. Dobermans give you unconditional love.
8. The way they lovingly sniff your entire scalp as if searching for the Hope Diamond in order to absorb your complete "scent."
7. Dobermans can change their "look" on a dime. They put on their most menacing look for solicitors and as soon as you close the door they will "giggle" with you.
6. The way they let you “nanny your children” that they think they gave birth to.
5. The way they sit with their back to you and scoot backwards until they are tight against your legs.
4. Their kisses in your ear.
3. The way they show you they love you no matter what every second of every minute of every day!
2. The doberman's admirable ability to clear a large room of people with one regular sized semi silent deadly Dober-toot.
1. They are the most beautiful, loyal and misunderstood of all the dog breeds.

"Hello, I am Cash Wilson. I enjoy all the creature comforts of life and am truly a "momma's dog." Do not think, however, that just because I enjoy playing ball or am a great companion to the rest of this family and have accepted the domestic help, that I am a docile dog. For if you are foolish enough to think you can enter my home or property without permission you are in deep poop."

The Movie

Chick flick.

What comes to mind? Pretty In Pink… Pretty Woman… Legally Blonde… Sweet Alabama (Is that even the name of it?)

For me, it was a bad-ass British film featuring a stellar all-female cast about a group of adventurous gal pals that go on a spelunking trip. Spe-who-king? It’s cave exploring. This film was called “The Descent.” And man, have I gotten a RAP for showing this on Friday night.

Okay, so I have an affinity for horror films and like to stay on the lookout for those which can create sheer terror in their audiences. Unfortunately, ‘A’ doesn’t share this hobby with me so whenever new horror flicks come out I rarely get to see them in the theatres.

Several months ago, a long-distance friend highly recommended this movie for its tremendous fear factor and convinced me that I absolutely must see it. Knowing my dear husband would want no part of it, I decided to rent it take it with me on my next business trip. Why not watch it ALONE in my hotel room. I mean really, how scary could it be?

So off I went on my trip with my rental and I was so eager, I popped it into my laptop and began viewing it on the plane ride to my destination. Mind you, I had headphones on, so no one around me could hear the movie, but at one point (and those of you who’ve seen the film know EXACTLY what point I’m talking about) I yelped and jumped out of my seat only to realize the strangers to both my left and my right had done so IN UNISON with me! I had to turn the thing off to regain my composure in the first of 5 ensuing mental break installments.

Without a doubt this was, for me, one of the most cover-your-eyes, shriek-out-loud, Holy Crap jump-out-of-your-seat, pee-your-pants-in-one-fell-swoop frightening films I have ever seen. And while there are a lot of good horror flicks out there as well as classics, I believe that if a film can ever sustain that kind of wring-your-neck tension for 90+ minutes straight, it deserves a friggin’ Oscar.

And don’t you like to share Oscar-worthy movies with your girlfriends?? Come on, I thought my pals would also appreciate this film as much as I do, but NO. They just didn’t. It’s certainly not for everyone as I discovered. It’s not “Fright Night” nor “Friday the 13th”. The Descent will scare you to the core. If you haven’t seen it- watch it. It is the kind of horror film experience I dream about, where I’m screaming (and cursing) out loud. My fright-induced neck injury from my initial viewing should be proof-positive that you ought to at least judge for yourself.

… Just maybe not over Mother’s Day weekend.

http://www.thedescentfilm.com/

Did someone say “Red Panties and Sex on the Beach”?

…Continued from “Do you know what TIME it is?”

So I’ve finally recovered from the weekend. Wow. Last Friday night was cherry. Once again, seven of us crazy mamas got together for Girls Night. Upon entry, each mama received some treats-- Mother’s Day prezzies from me to my gal pals. These included: a customized martini glass filled with chocolates, a bedtime dish with a hershey’s kiss, edible body powder, and a vanilla-scented massage oil candle (when the candle burns, the “wax” is actually massage oil). Ooh la la!

I don’t know why but apparently, these women (and their hubs) had all kinds of naughty thoughts going through their heads anticipating I was planning a night filled with male strippers and other wild-n-crazy things. Perhaps it has stemmed from the much-discussed new pole in my bedroom. Or maybe it was the highly-anticipated boob cake (which by the way, never made it to fruition-- don't ask.) Who knows?

I got a call from Nurse ‘G’ just before she was about to head over asking if I needed anything. There was one thing that I had forgotten-- vegetable oil. I told her we needed it and to bring lots of it. Well, when her hubbie caught wind of this, he’s all, “Vegetable oil?!? What do you need THAT for??? What does she have going on at that party?? (Helloooo? Ever heard of a chocolate fountain? You need vegetable oil to keep the chocolate flowing, for crying out loud.)

Sheesh! Can’t a gal plan a fun and simple estrogen-only, pole-free night without all the fuss? It turns out as we all discovered, the answer is a loud and resounding YES. Whoa, Nelly!

So there was your typical pizza, my luscious martinis, and some yummy chocolate. The gals came with their loaded imaginations and no-holds-barred openness. It was a riot-filled night complete with highly detailed and graphic sharing/discussion of anything and everything pertaining to sex, plastic surgery, breast sizes, bikini waxing, more sex.. you name it. Nothing was taboo. Nothing was left out. I never name names, but one of us walked away with nothing short of an EDUCATION. I haven’t laughed so hard in months.

At midnight, we finally got around to popping in the movie I’d selected to show. More on this in the next entry, but only a few brave souls made it though this affair. Some were too drunk to watch, others went home horny as all hell. (Ladies, tell your hubs they can personally thank me later.)

So much for the slumber portion of the party. By the end of the night it was just me and ‘M’. We stayed up until 3:30 discussing who was hottest amongst Kiefer Sutherland, Johnny Depp and Viggo Mortensen.

See? Just like when we were kids…

Happy Mother’s Day

Dear Mom,
It’s been almost eight years since you were called to Heaven. What I would give to just sit with you and chat like old times. My rose garden is in full bloom and I clipped a peach one today in your honor- your favorite.

Not a single day goes by that I don’t continue to look to you for guidance and support. You were and still are the person I continue to learn from. Your support and open arms always made me feel like a baby bird beneath your protective wing. Your beautiful son-in-law and grandchildren have never met you and I am always striving to make sure they know you well. It is tough, however, as there aren’t yet any words in existence that are as encompassing enough, colorful enough or true enough to describe your heart and soul. It saddens me that they will never experience first hand your quiet humility, unmistakable dignity and selflessness, nor to be on the receiving end of your always generous heart. I can only hope and pray that just an inkling of your influence has rubbed off on me.

Mom, I know that in your last days on Earth you were most worried about me and my well-being. I was still your “baby” and you weren’t ready to leave me to be on my own. The best things you never said to me were: no, you can’t, and you won’t. I hope you can see that I’m more than okay today. Your guidance has gotten me through some of the toughest times in my life. Now this bird will continue to fly high until we see each other again.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Do you know what TIME it is??

It’s Mother’s Day Weekend. (Yes, for me it’s a 3-day affair.) I love this time of year-- the flowers, the chocolates, the Sunday brunch, the girlie gifts.. Last year I asked my dear husband to buy me a 12” subwoofer for my car. Aw… so sweet!

Women everywhere are taking time for themselves and to honor other moms. Whether they are planting seeds in a garden, baking cookies for their elderly neighbors, or playing with a puppy at the park, they are indulging their femininity and womanhood.

Tonight I am hosting our Moms Night Out—or, rather, IN. Some of my most unforgettable fun times and memories from when I was a kid stem from all the slumber parties. Playing games, staying up all night in our jammies telling scary stories.. After fondly reminiscing, I thought, why do these great events have to be just for kids? That’s it- I’m having a slumber partay for all of us deserving diva moms.

It’ll be just like old times.. well, with one small difference. All of us in attendance will be of legal drinking age! And I do make killer cosmopolitans. (My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!) In honor of our femininity and womanhood, my maternal instinct tells me I ought to bake, too-- just, not cookies. No, I'm going to bake a boob cake. Ladies, let's celebrate our humps.. in the back and in the front!

Ah, but wish me luck. Baking is not my forte. During the Holidays, in my attempt to make peppermint bark for all the neighbors out of the goodness of my heart, I nearly burned the house down. No joke. As my fire extinguisher "snow"-covered husband and dear children will attest, we needed every ounce of that stuff. *sigh* Every once in a while I’ll still find a small remnant of that fire-extinguisher “snow” in some corner of my kitchen. Fond memories here at the House of Wilson.

Off to the kitchen. Gotta find those oven-safe Pyrex cups. (Be brave. Be very very brave.) And to all within a 5-mile radius: Get outta the way!

To be continued…

No SPF? You WILL get burned!

So, being that this is a personal blog, I pretty much try not to talk about work-related topics.. but this borders on the edge and I just have to get if off my chest. I’m pretty old-fashioned when it comes to trusting others and developing loyal working relationships. These days it feels like everywhere you turn a contract needs to be created, signed, notarized and then reviewed by everyone and their great grandparents’ attorneys. Obviously, in our sue-crazed world, we need to protect ourselves so I know it’s necessary. But for crying out loud, some things just need to be able to be done without the moon and the stars having to be lined up perfectly, you know?

ie: You want to pick Billy up at 6:05 instead of 6:00 today? Okay, we will need that in writing.

Ridiculous requests aside, I have, in the past worked some rather significant deals that I call “napkin deals.” These are the kinds of deals where if you can imagine, you’re sitting at a bar, discussing business over a drink and work out a proposition. The deal is so clean that it can be laid out on a napkin. This is the way it used to be done all the time (a long long time ago). No attorneys. No BS. No fine print legalese. It’s not because we’re lazy. It’s based soley on trust. It’s very very simple. You hold up your end of the bargain. I hold up mine. Boom, boom. Done.

I know, I know. You’re shaking your heads at me. Well, I’ve never claimed to be perfect and sometimes I’m just downright stupid when it comes to believing that this is any way to do business in today's world- ever. While I will gladly shell out big bucks for my continuing education, this was one costly lesson with absolutely no ROI. A very bad deal.

What can I say? Lesson learned. Lesson shared.

NEXT!

Today’s Daily Affirmation

Do you partake in daily affirmations? I've been told they can be a wonderful jumpstart to your day or project. Furthermore, they can even become a reality if you truly believe and engage in what you are stating.

Here's what you're supposed to do:
1. Close your eyes, look up to the sky and smile to generate emotion. Then scream your affirmation out loud while visualizing the statement.

2. Do this 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night.
(Try it in the shower. Turn the water as cold as possible and scream your affirmation to further intensify your emotion and commitment.)

3. Do this for the next 90 days.

Can't hurt to try it, right?
Aw hell, why not?

“I’m a sexy mama!”

My 5 Must-Haves of the Moment:

1. An iPod Shuffle
2. Tempur-Pedic SupremePillow
3. Brooks Addiction Running Shoes
4. A new surfboard
5. Lots and lots of Ferrero Rocher chocolate balls

“Take a deep breath.. One, Two, Three!”

Those were the fateful words I heard all last week. I don’t know what my deal was with pain, but it must have been my attraction du jour. Between the piercing and my laser hair removal appointment, I experienced all the discomfort of a 24 hour long fast compressed into several split seconds of horror.

For those of you who’ve never experienced laser hair removal, I have two words: IT KILLS! Both literally and figuratively. For me, the pain factor ranks right up there with getting stitches before the numbing spray actually numbs you, and just below tattooing. A laser beam actually zaps the hair follicles to death so they will never grow hair again. Unfortunately, this zapping needs to be repeated several times to do the job and it's NOT for the slight of heart. Ugh. With the ends justifying the means, sometimes searing pain is the only way to get dramatic results.

For me, that end is complete “seal-dom”. I want to be as smooth as a SEAL without ever having to shave or wax again. Yes, so short of the hair on my head, that means EVERYWHERE. So there I was at my third appointment in a series of six (Lord help me). Forget my five-hour mental psyching up and gulping of 2 potent margaritas prior, in order to face the pain. My poor, poor nurse/ laser technician had to equally prepare herself for the upcoming torture scene with me. Before I came along, she figured she'd seen everything in her clients ranging from the typical racing heart rate and beads of sweat running down the forehead to cringed faces and little winces. Then there’s me.

Now, you may think I’m a sissy and I may very well be. Even though I can say I've jumped from a cliff, swam with great white sharks, and given childbirth without meds, the feeling of someone zapping my skin with a hot laser beam over and over makes me want to reach for a continuous and fast drip of morphine. I’m telling you, it hurts like hell. Nurse “G” (who turned out to be the mom of one of my son’s buddys from school—small friggin’ world, I tell you) has had to endure nothing less than skin-breaking nail digging, extreme cursing, and blood-curdling screams that would make those that come from the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror PALE in comparison.

I honestly don’t know how I managed to make it through yet another session. At this point, however, it’s Nurse “G” I’m concerned about. I believe she needs to be taken into CTU to be debriefed after working on me. But I ask those of you who have undergone this treatment: pray tell, is it just me? You’ve been through it, at the very least most likely with a woman you don’t know. On top of the pain, imagine having a fellow preschool mom open fire on your cha-cha?!? Cripes.

No really, though. Suffering and pain in the name of coiffing maintenance of the lower pelvic region aside, my friendship with “G” has just blossomed. We’ve scheduled playdates and sleepovers for our boys. We’ve exchanged gifts—absolutely lovely. Heck, she’s even coming to the next Moms Night Out.

*Sigh* Clearly, I have issues with pain, though. What’s a low-pain threshold girl to do???

Now, about that tattoo…

The quote that turns me on…

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.” ~ T. Roosevelt

Haircuts and Navel Piercing

Happy Monday! In preparation for my evening with Kieferrrrrrrrrr, I went to get a much-needed haircut. There’s nothing quite like having that perfect hairstylist. You know, the kind that knows and understands YOUR hair. The kind that doesn’t need any explanation, but just goes to work and then works magic on your ‘do. The kind that’s also your friend (or at least makes you feel like she’s your pal.) Well, I am fortunate enough to have one of those stylists… Or not…

Today was different. One of our topics of conversation was body piercings. ‘M’ (my stylist), is no stranger to multiple piercings of various sorts and I casually mentioned wanting to SOMEDAY re-pierce my belly button since my previous one had closed up after my pregnancies. (Mental note to self: Never ever mention even remotely wanting a piercing or any other painful body inflictions in ‘M’s presence again.)

My routine hair appointment was immediately followed by a drag (by the new hairdo, no less) to the piercing salon which just so happened to be directly across the street. How friggin’ CONVENIENT. Now, really, I know this is no big deal to most, but I tend to get squeamish when it comes to needles and things of the like. I like to have time to prepare for punctures, you know? ‘M’ clearly detected my fear and got some sick pleasure out of going with me to the parlour knowing she’d get to watch me suffer-- all under the guise of “support,” of course (pssh- yeah right.) As we’re walking in she’s all, “Oh my gosh- I’m so excited my nipples are getting hard!” What the $#@%!? She's sick.

I'll spare you from the additional drama and say that it’s done, or rather re-done. Wasn’t too bad, though I would have much rather had more time to prepare or at least had my husband there for another “sympathy” piercing. Yes, that is how I got through the first one-- I made him get pierced as well. I guess I’m just as ill as ‘M’. (And don't ask me where, 'cause I'll tell you Ft. Lauderdale.)

*By the way, ‘M’ is definitely Pinked In. Not only is she a polecat, herself, but she also digs her music. On her playlist? Lords of Acid. Reading list? Wicked Games. Love it! She’s a whole other blog..

How $250 Fell Into My LAP at Disneyland…

A few weeks ago, it was Spring Break at ‘M’ and ‘M’s school so we decided to take a few days and spend them at Disneyland which is less than an hour’s drive away. We booked our trip at the Grand Californian Hotel which happens to be in the heart of all the Parks and Downtown Disney. I loved it! No shuttles. No trams. No buses. No mega-lines of people at the park entrance. I highly recommend this lovely resort.

Upon check-in, we received a large packet of information which included park info, coupons, our tickets, etc. in addition to some fun gifts for the kids. As soon as we checked in, I tossed the packet in our room and never looked at its contents until we got home from our trip. Too busy for that! Little did I know that I could have used almost all of those coupons towards our meals and various purchases.

In any event, in this packet there was also a tiny folder that contained 3 cards that looked like playing cards featuring Stitch. I had no idea what these were and just about tossed them out with the rest of my unused packet when something caught my eye. On the backside were codes that you use online for some virtual game. I still don’t even know. What caught my eye was the word “secret” which came before “codes.” Being that I LOVE secrets, I wanted to determine if my cards truly were secret. I started my research with Ebay and entered in a few key words (VMK, cards, Stitch) and holy moly, the things were going for upwards of $150!!!!

Helloo, I don’t need to tell you what I did next. But what shocked me even more was that when my auction ended, they ultimately went for more than $250. Woo Hoo! Apparently, these cards are only given to people who book at trip at a Disney Resort. Who would have known? Thank you, Stitch!!!

Now THIS is talent!

This morning while I was driving the kids to school, they said they wished they could have finished watching the SpongeBob episode they had been viewing during breakfast. I know there are a lot of vehicles out there now that have DVD players built into the backs of headrests and all, but I don’t happen to own one of those, yet.

So I told my saddened kids that we couldn’t watch SpongeBob in the car, BUT that since they have a very resourceful mom, they could watch music videos instead! They got all excited as I whipped out my trusty iPod with its 2”x3” screen. I quickly pulled up the first music video in the vault and much to my delight, I landed on the Black Eyed Peas. First in the lineup? My Humps.

‘M’ and ‘M’ were thrilled as they squinted and strained their necks to see the gadget play. What a way to jumpstart their day! Hey, if it works for them, it works for me!

By the way, I am not the only one out there who lets her small children groove to Miss Fergie. Check this out!

My Hour with Bauer

Well I certainly do LOVE Monday nights. I must confess in the church of guilty little pleasures, my absolute obsession with 24 and the pursuits of its bad-ass hero, Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland). At the mercy of the networks, however, the reward for my pure devotion and hyper-obsession is sweaty and torturous weeklong waits to see my Kiefer in action again. Does anybody else go through this??

Last night’s episode rocked- as always. And of course, now I’m back to waiting again, “beep… beep… beep…” It’s all good. I can handle that for Kiefer. RRRRRrrrrrrrrrr.

Girls Night Out

Friday night was girls night out. Seven of us ‘desperate housewives’ met up for happy hour at a place I’ll call the “CB”. This place is 5 minutes from my house, smack-dad in the middle of suburbia. It’s certainly nothing fancy and by no means urban metro, but boy did I have FUN!

A few martinis here and a few daiquiris there led to some unleashing on the dance floor. Despite the fact that the DJ resembled a distant cousin of an Oompa Loompa, his spins weren’t too bad. Unfortunately, not everyone shook her booty this time, but… Next time. I believe that deep inside every woman lurks a raw, booty-thumpin’ music video vixen (think Pussycat Doll). For some of us, she is deep, deep inside – in a place we aren’t even sure exists. But alas she can’t stay caged forever! Stay tuned ‘til the next GNO report..

My Birthday Gift

I just had a birthday and amongst the various practical things on my

wish list (running shoes, pressure cooker, triple aaa membership).. was a stripper pole. Okay, so I’m not a professional stripper or anything, but I have been taking pole dancing for quite some time and I wanted the luxury of doing it in the comfort of my own home. Well, wouldn’t you know, my husband swiftly obliged and opted to get me the pole over all else. Of course, he left no room for any element of surprise whatsoever. After initially reviewing my list, he returned to me, scratching his head and asked, “Uh, where do I get one of those poles-- Sports Authority?” Followed by, “How much are they, $39.99?” *sigh* I gotta love him.

Now, my birthday was back in March. And for weeks the long box had been laying across the floor in my bedroom, as INSTALLATION became an issue. Neither my husband nor I is very handy when it comes to toolboxes and ‘home improvement’ type things. Actually, that’s a monstrous understatement. We are like Paris and Nicole of the Simple Life at Home Depot. Last year, we called our handyman, Mike (God bless him), to see if he would come and install two plant hooks in our kitchen ceiling. Much to our surprise, he said no and kindly suggested that all we needed was a stud finder. A stud finder? I know I don’t have to tell you how this ignited the half-Italian side of my husband before he realized it was actually a tool. The good news is, we were, in fact, able to install the plant hooks on our own (albeit three hours and 90 extra holes in the ceiling later).

Getting back to my pole.. You can see the daunting task that lay before us when it arrived. I didn’t dare call Mike the Handyman nor any of our handy neighbors for that matter. “Uh, yeah, can you come over and help us install a pole in our bedroom?” I could just hear it now.. “Honey, how much longer ‘til we sell our house and get the heck outta here and far away from our whacked neighbors- those Wilsons?!”

So, on the floor my pole sat. It sat and it sat and it sat. (I’ve been reading way too much Dr. Seuss). Finally, last week, I made a decision. That pole is going up today if it kills me! What really killed me was that the instructions said it would take TEN MINUTES to install. Cripes. So I got the ladder. I got the stud finder. And I got the drill. Same deal as with the plant hooks, I just needed to locate the beam, mark it, and then drill the hole into it. Simple right? Well this is what I have determined: WE HAVE A DEFECTIVE STUD FINDER. There’s no other explanation. I may as well have closed my eyes and thrown a dart at the ceiling to find the stud, because that’s what I did with the drill and all the holes I made in the ceiling for two hours! But.. I did it—and the pole is now securely installed. Woo Hoo!!! Never a dull moment here at the house of Wilson. I must say, though, it is lovely.

Thank you ‘A’!!!!

By the way, if you're at all interested..

This is where 'A' got my pole: (not Sports Authority!)