Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Make it a true Butterball Day

Here are some great turkey tips from my friend, Joe Schroeder... I couldn't have said it any better!

(1) TEMP should be 275 to 300 NO hotter


I could give a rip what Grandma told you. OVER 275-300 and you cook the BREAST TOO FAST = DRY BIRD. The key is SLOW cooking. HIGHER than 300 and you cook the breast meat TOO fast. That's where DRY BIRD comes from.


Yes, KOSHER SALT + rub all over like snow = 45 MIN. Why? Because it causes the juices to DASH to the sky. Why? Because it makes the bird silky smooth as MOIST wet dew.

"But, what about cleaning all that salt off?"

Geez louise, of course. First, don't salt the thing for more than 45 and yes, WASH BIG time and get all the salt off.


After interviewing many, many BIRD enthusiasts, the revered common words were, "DRY the bird
and always cook a DRY bird." Don't cook when bird is still kinda wet from cleaning. DRY THE THING WELL. Meaning, after you CLEAN and salt and clean again DRY the gobbler foul WELL.

(4) "FOIL me this Bat-Man."

This faux chef asked a REAL CHEF, resident food lord FRED LARGE
and old brother Fred Rothchild piped, "Joe, wrap with FOIL (the top) and the FOIL will BASTE the bird for you and make it WAY crunchy."

XTRA TIP from Fast Fredy: RE-MOVE FOIL after 2 Hrs. Why? So the glorious SKIN has time to GOLDEN BROWN itself.

(5) TIME is as always 15-20 PER LB

slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww + 275 to 300 DEGREES. 275 to 300 and about 15-20 MIN per POUND.


Cook turkey with lots of SIDE dishes in the oven as well. Open the oven + close + open = you spoil the bird. What happens is you REMOVE the heat when you keep opening the darn oven. Plus, the extra stuff around the bird that you're cooking delays the cooking time.

When To Remove The BIRD

FRED who does this F/T said, "Ace, what you do is take the thing out at 145 DEGREES." FRED said the INTERNET and your in-laws will say 165. Fred says, "DONT DO IT."

Why? Because at 145 degree (check the BREAST for 145 degrees)
At 145 degrees you take turkey OUT and let sit for 30-45 MINUTES. Rothchild also added that at the time you CUT the bird, it should be at about 155 to 160 degrees.

While it sits at 145 degrees it's STILL COOKING. I said, "Thanks Fred." He said, "pass the gravy."

Have a happy, blessed Thanksgiving.

With a big, fat, jiggly hug,

PS - Joe certainly knows turkeys, but he ROCKS at marketing. For more Joe, visit: Go ahead. Immerse yourself in his world and you'll end up one-upping yourself instantly. If your eyes and ears are open, you'll be thanking me!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

24 on FOX! Season opener tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woo hoo!!!!!!! FINALLY. For those of us who have been patiently (or not-so-patiently) waiting for Jack Bauer to re-emerge onscreen, the time has arrived. And it's a full TWO-HOUR SHOW!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so that's the good news.... The not-so-good news is that it's really a prequel to the season which doesn't start until January....


Hey, at least it's something. You know where I'll be tonight. Note to self: pick up large dish of cookies 'n cream fro-yo..

Have fun :)

Friday, November 7, 2008

All I have to say is....


Remember Steve Guttenberg from Police Academy? Cripes.